Yikes!

Way too many holiday temptations right now! I'm surrounded!

First week summary

Ok, the first week went better than expected! I am not dieting...Yeah! And I lost 8 pounds!

I was aware of every bite and somehow didn't have any emotional eating. I did go to a Christmas party. I sampled what I wanted and what I wanted was more real food than sweets. I did try some of the sweets. The ones I didn't "love", I dumped in the trash-don't tell on me!

I drank all my water and of course took my vitamins. That was my two basic goals for this week. I didn't plan my menu ahead but I did eat at home 5 nights this week. Now for this coming week I am going to add...4-5 fruits and veggies a day, and try to get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. I don't think I am going to worry about planning meals so much until the first of the year as there are so much activities coming up and who knows what I will have to eat after my surgery too!

We have two get togethers on Sunday, both with lots of nummy food! One is an open house at our friends and one is a family Christmas Party. I am really hoping that I can be sensible and not totally pig out like I normally would. We'll see!

Vampires and Arguements!

Gosh how time flies...I'd like to say it was cuz I was having fun, but actually it was all my daughter's fault. She loaned me her copy of "Twilight" to read. Now I need "New Moon" Geez...I have Christmas sewing to do, and tons of shopping. I can't spend all my time reading. But then it is Edward we are talking about...hmmmm!

But back to my getting healthy goals...I really am learning alot by tracking what I am eating and what I am not eating and when I eat and when I don't want to eat. Like last night when Hubby and I got in a fight, he took off for a bit to cool off and all I wanted to do was run over to Wendy's and have a cheeseburger and fries and I probably wouldn't have stopped myself from having a pop either and maybe even a frosty. I was able to restrain myself. I had been cooking green beans and ham hocks for hubby all day so I opted for some of those instead. I was not in the mood to fix him anything else so that was it for dinner. Wasn't the greatest for me and not very balanced but better than Wendy's.

Ooops!

It's almost 11:00 am and I have not had breakfast. I really need to eat before I get on the computer!
Lost 5 pounds in fluid since yesterday! Woohoo! That should help my knee.

I am on the journey

Just getting ready to go to bed, but thought I better track my progress for today. I have become a night owl lately. Maybe I need to keep track of my sleep also as I know it does not help weight loss and can actually cause weight gain if you don't get enough sleep. I have problems sleeping anyway, both getting to sleep and then staying asleep.

I tracked all my food and calories today and was suprised where my total was after dinner. It is about at my ideal calories (according to what Prism set me at). Hmmm! I also noticed that I had to force 1/2 an orange down me this morning and was starving at lunch. Need to fix a better breakfast with protein and good carbs. And with my diabetes I should be having two to three snacks a day. I had a snack after dinner but nothing all day. A lot to be learned here!

I was able to drink all my water, and had some light cran-grape also (40 calories/8 oz.) All in all, it was a pretty good day. Sure got my exercise running up and down the stairs getting rid of all that water. My bathrooms are either upstairs or downstairs (none on the main floor). Good for my exercise but not so great on my knee.

Watched Biggest Loser tonight. Very inspiring! More than anything, I have learned by watching the show that I am worth it...I deserve to get healthy and lose the weight and quit hating myself. I need to forgive myself for getting this way and move on and get past it and quit punishing myself.

I have always known how hard it is to lose weight, but it is not nearly as hard as it is to forgive yourself and to examine your inner most heart and soul to find out the reasons behind the weight, and what keeps you here. It is reeally a journey and I feel like I am ready to peel back the layers and look inside now. I am beginning my journey. I hope you will be here to help support me along the way.

Project Me!

I'm kinda an "all or nothing" type person when it comes to dieting. It's very hard for me to allow myself to slip up, and get right back on it. So, to that end, I am not going on another diet again as long as I live!

I have been on almost every "diet" known to man and still need to lose over 100 pounds. I have and still am contemplating weightloss surgery. Can't afford it at the moment so it is pretty much "off the table".

I have decided not to do another weightloss program. I know what I need to do to lose weight. I know how I need to eat and what I need to eat. I know the portion size and even the balance of protein to carbs etc. for my diabetes. So, why do I lose for about 30 pounds and then just stop? I don't stop the diet or program or whatever you want to call it, it quits me... don't think I can do that again!

I know that exercise plays a big part in that. With all my various ailments, I have never been very good at that end. I'm sure that that is why I have never succeeded in losing all that I want to. I have walked on my treadmill and started on my recumbandt bike as well the last time I really gave it a good effort. But I don't think I really had a good plan.

I am watching Biggest Loser this season. I could never do that kind of exercise atleast without Jillian yelling at me, or Bob pushing me to find the hidden "me" within! Being on the Biggest Loser Ranch you would have no choice in the matter. You would exercise when they said excercise or you would be headed home. I would have to be forced like that.

Right now, I have a blown out knee that is bone on bone. I have been in excruciating pain since the end of May. The pain has been increasing in severity. The doctor says I can not have surgery for knee replacement until I lose 80 pounds. Well, if you are overweight like I am, to the extent that I am, you know that 80 pounds may as well be 800! So here I sit, in my recliner, for the most part, in constant pain watching the world go by.
I am not telling you all this for your sympathy. Just filling in the background.

So what do we have? A big mess! I can't see starting another diet. From my viewpoint, that is just going to set me up for another failure. But I really feel the need to do something. If you have read some of the old posts on this site, you can see that all my medical issues would be greatly improved if not eliminated completely if I were able to lose the weight.

In order to do this I feel I really need to examine the reasons I became overweight to begin with and then to try to discover what is keeping me here, (emotionally). I feel like that is a big key to this. The rest is logistics.

I have always started a diet or program with unwavering resolve to do this right this time...and this time I will do it...I will lose the weight that is holding me back. Well, I am 56 years old and I have not done it yet.

I realize that if I take in more calories than I expend, I will gain weight. Very simple then, to lose weight I have to either, take in less calories or expend more calories. Preferably a combination of both. If I take in too few calories, my body thinks its starving and will hold on to every bit of stored fat it can to protect me. So guess that is not the answer. I need to make sure that I eat enough calories but not too much. Also I need to incorporate excercise to expend some calories.

Ok, so I am going to tackle this like a job project. It will be known as...Project Me.


Job Requirements:

• to become healthy and fit

Brainstorming Ideas:

• take in reasonable amount of calories
• incorporate exercise
• don't let the scales tell the story
• drink lots of water
• get enough fruits and vegetables
• eat lean protein
• eat whole grains
• take daily vitamins
• take additional vitamin D
• take other meds as neccessary
• monitor blood sugars
• take measurements once a month
• cook my own meals atleast 5 days a week
• collect all my healthy recipes

Plan of Attack:

• Start "Project Me" Dec. 1, 2009

• Monthly

1. Weigh
2. Take measurements
3. Take stock in what went good and what didn't
4. Set goals for next month

• Weekly

1. Cook dinner atleast 5 nights a week
2. Make weekly menu for next week
3. Plan for exercise or activity
4. Set weekly goals
5. Do weekly shopping
6. monitor blood sugars
   

• Daily

1. Take vitamin & vitamin D
2. Drink 8/8oz glasses of water
3. Take other meds as needed
4. Journal
5. Take 30 minutes "me time"
   

Week One:

1. weigh
   
2. take measurements (first day of each month)
   
3. drink atleast 8 8oz glasses of water daily
4. take vitamins, vitamin D daily
5. take other meds when needed
   
6. start journal
7. monitor blood sugars daily
8. count calories and record any activities (for two weeks)

Well, there's the plan for now...I will add it to the side bar later so I can refer to it often. I will also add weight and measurements.

I am going to monitor my calorie intake and activity level for two weeks and take an average to figure out how many calories I am taking in to see how many I need to cut per day. You need to know where you are to know where you are going.

I am going to sit down and plan my menu and shopping list for this week. I am starting on Tuesday as it is the first day of the month. I intend to add to my program as I go along but for now these will be the things I am going to concentrate on. Baby steps!

I'm Back...

Wow...it has been a year and a half since I have posted! And sadly enough, I am fighting the same battle. Or not fighting it, as the case may be.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, trying to figure out how I got in this situation, or more to the point...what keeps me here? What made me hate myself so much that I just didn't care what happened to me? Or what I felt like, or looked like for that matter!
Well, I have decided that no matter how much you think about it, it just doesn't change it. You have to do something! A lot of things actually. I didn't get this way be thinking about it, nor did I get this way by just doing one thing. I did a lot of things to attain this level of couch potato. The question is...Am I really ready to do something about it?

Not gonna be weighing in for awhile...

Went to the doctor on Friday cuz it felt like my cough was getting worse and my chest was tightening up and not as loose as it had been. I figured it was just asthma, but just in case it was working on a good case of bronchitis as well, figured I better go in. (I have chronic bronchitis, and the last couple of times my asthma has been flared up also) By the time I got back to my car I was ready for anti-depressants and strong ones. I don't know why it affected me like it did, but I was mad at my doc, depressed, feeling hopeless, and just felt like dissolving into a puddle of tears.
He put me on strong anti biotics and prednisone again! For one thing, I am not supposed to have prednisone or any steroids as it flares up my psuedotumor cerebri. I do not want to have a brain shunt, much less the brain surgery to put it in! It took me so long to get my body working again after the last round of steroids. I had one of the medpacks of prednisone for five days and then a month of inhaled steroids. It got where I couldn't breathe from so much fluids. I was really short of breath. I really thought I was going to have a heart attack. My Dad died of complications from a stroke that had left him bedridden for a number of years, following heart bypass surgery for the second heart attack and second bypass. Needless to say I was a little worried.
A bunch of us at work went on the same healthy eating program and I had been doing well, having lost 16 pounds and most of the fluid and really starting to feel better when I got sick again. Now I know I will be right back where I started again.
The only thing that was not doing better was my blood sugar levels. I had been keeping track for the last month to show the doctor the next time I went in. I need to try some other meds. He wouldn't even talk to me about it as the prednisone will send them up much higher anyway. Of course this really thrills me too. I need to get new glasses, but can't even have the exam while my blood sugars are up. I did this once before I was monitoring my blood and when I got my glasses my blood was normal again and couldn't see clearly out of the glasses and had to send them back to be remade. My current glasses are so bad now, and scratched too!
It's really not going to do me any good to be on a diet right now as I have so much working against me. So I will let you know when I am going to start over again! Bring on the prozac!

I know it is only Sunday!

It is Sunday and not Monday, but I will be too busy in the morning to post, so thought I would do it now! I weighed this morning. I was very surprised that I had lost another 3 pounds. I have not been eating properly for the last six days as I have been feeling so much like crap! So pretty much I have eaten what sounded good to me, no matter what it was. A strange thing has happened while I have been on this program. I have been satisfied with less. That is a very big deal for me! I usually can put away quite a bit of food. In the past couple weeks, I have wanted less. It must be from eating smaller meals, but knowing that I can have a snack in a couple hours. Maybe it is changing my metabolism. That would be the most awesome thing to ever happen to me! Coolio, I tell ya!