Saturday, July 22, 2006

I can't even stay on a diet, how do you expect me to think of a title?

You know I think of myself as a stubborn determined woman when I set my mind on something. I have pulled myself up by the bootstraps several times over the years. I have been deep in a hole and pulled myself out. I raised three wonderful kids, mostly on my own, with no benifit of child support! I have faced lots of adversity in my life.

I have worked in a man's world and succeeded. Now don't get me wrong, I am not a feminist! I do believe that if a woman and a man do the same job, then they should be paid the same, but that is as far as it goes. I like being a woman. I like having doors opened for me, and I love that my husband is a gentleman.

Now how did I get off on this rabbit trail? Oh yeah, I remember! Bear with me, I am over fifty! I thought I could pretty much do whatever I needed to if I really set my mind to it! Well, with one exception, I have never been able to get down to my ideal weight. (Whatever that is!) Now I can't even get down to a somewhat healthy weight. Not even remotely close. I would be thrilled if I got under 200 again!

Why does this one thing escape me? There is a history of heart problems in my family. I have diabetes, and I have had my gallbladder out, and I have sleep apnea and Fibromyalgia, arthritis, and Psuedo Tumor Cerebri, all conditions that are caused by or aggrivated by being overweight. What does it take? Do I have to have a heart attack or stroke before I will finally be able to really get serious and continue to lose weight until I reach a healthy goal weight? Sometimes I just get so disgusted with myself because I cannot seem to make any significant strides in this direction. I have probably been on every diet or program known to man, at one time or another. I am still almost 100 pounds bigger than I want to be.

I am about ready to say forget it and just eat myself into oblivion! It sounds good, but I can't do that either! I will rebel for a few days or a week and then the guilt gets to me again and I am trying to eat better again, just to goof it all up again in another few days. I haven't always been like this. I have been on programs for several months and the longest was a year and a half. The most I lost at that time was about 50 pounds. My body rebels and it won't go any lower.

I am really trying to get more exercise and just plain be more active also but I guess I am just really disgusted with it all right now. I have a challenge going on as you know if you are a regular reader,(Is there such a thing?) to get 100 minutes of exercise each week, arggghhh! I am sitting at 35 minutes with only one day remaining! And I have not had any water today at all, let alone 60 oz. I ate right for 3 days and then crappy for another 3 days. What is wrong with me?


Blogger Amy said...

i'll never get why women deny being feminists, like it's a plague. if you think men and women are worth the same, you are a feminist.

July 24, 2006 6:58 AM  
Blogger ...jus me said...

Amy...I don't think that's what it means to be a feminist! Atleast it wasn't what it used to mean. That may have been what it started out to be, but like everything else, there were ones that took it way too far! There are always those individuals who give it all a bad name. But the movement itself, became far more than equal pay!

July 24, 2006 10:36 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

that's not what i mean by worth the same. you say it yourself, you raised three kids mostly on your own but you don't think women are equal to men? i don't buy it. i think you know women can do anything and be anything. that's what feminism is, the idea that women and men are equals. the fact that this had to be pointed out to society is what should embarrass us, not the fact that we believe it's true.

July 25, 2006 7:29 AM  
Blogger ...jus me said...

Amy....I don't dissagree with alot of what you are saying. It is sad that some women don't believe they are as good as a man. We are all people and we have our jobs to do in this life.You just do what you have to. I look at all this from a different viewpoint now! I am a Christian and I firmly believe that the men have the hardest road. Do they all take that road and pull their weight...NO! And women are required to pick up the slack. Just like raising my kids, that is a job meant for two! But living in a fallen world, and having free will, well, that kind of says it all! We don't always make good choices and there lies the problem.
We are all "worth" the arguement there. We are all equal in God's eyes, we just have different responsibilities.

July 25, 2006 9:37 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

i guess i think we all walk the same road.

July 25, 2006 9:48 AM  

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