Saturday, June 17, 2006

Here I am Again!

That's right...I am in the same spot that I always end up in. You know the one! You start a diet or program and do pretty good and then for one reason or another you either quit losing or quit trying. Well, I am there AGAIN! I don't know why I do this. This time I just didn't have the money to buy food that is good for me. Barely had money to buy any food. Had to pay off a doctor bill this time so was pretty short for this pay period. 6 more days till pay day.

I have been sick too which has not helped. Still running a fever. Guess I am not in the best frame of mind to be doing a post. But here I am anyway!

Now I gotta confess my sins to any of you who will listen to me. I bought a mountain dew last week. Any of you who have read my blog know that I am a dewaholic, and I can not have it, not even a sip. It does terrible things to me. The one I bought was a fountain pop. When hubby got home I gave it to him. It just didn't taste good to me. You would think that would have been the end of it, but oh no...not for me. I bought a bottled dew at chevron the next day. It was really not cold enough to entice me to drink it all so I left it in the car when we went to group. When we got home, hubby went to bed and I was on the puter...where else? I was thirsty so I drank the room temperature dew, all of it! That is how it started again. I drank dew for four whole days. I was totally miserable. I was bloated and retaining fluids, and having a hard time breathing and craving it more and more. I had to go back on my meds for psuedo tumor which started all the tingling in my hands and feet and made me sleep too much. What a mess I made of myself again! Why do I do this. It really never did taste any good to me this time. And to top it off, I gained 13 pounds since I had last weighed two weeks before. Thirteen Pounds! Can you believe it? Well, I weighed again a day and a half later and the scale was down eight pounds. It was mostly all fluids, but geeeeez!

So here I am trying to get motivated to do it again. What is there that is going to make this time different? What will assure me that I won't get bored, won't just get depressed, or give up? What is my magic combination that is gonna make it work? Sure I have support online from all of you, but what can you do really? If I am looking at a mountain dew commercial and really wanting one...are you gonna stop me? I don't think so! If I am feeling lazy and don't want to get on the treadmill, are you gonna make me do it? Nope, not likely! Are my friends gonna know when I am weak and come force me to do what I should? No again! I really am in this alone...just me! I have to want it. I have to need it. Not for hubby, not for my doc, not for my kids, but FOR ME! It has to be for me. Do I have to write one thousand times "I can do this! I will do this! This is for me! I will eat healthy! I will exercise! I will feel good about me!" Is that what it takes?

I don't know what is going to do it. I have tried everything from diet pills to some weird cow placenta injections, to phen-fen, to weight watchers, to prism, to Atkins, to low fat, to low carb, to cabbage soup, to grapefruit, sugar free, fat free, carb free, you name it! I truly think that just eating healthy foods in moderation and balance is the way to go. Whole grains, watch the fat, no processed sugar, eat fresh foods whenever possible, and increase your fiber. Atleast I know that it works and as natural a form of foods as you can get. Eat what God gave us to eat. keep that in mind and you will be healthier. Of course as far as weight loss goes, portion control is key.

I know all the why am I still coming back to this same point of desperation and dissapointment? I know that if I just made it under 200 pounds I would be able to succeed. It really isn't that far to go to get there. It seems so much more manageable then. One little bit at a time and I would be there. I can do it, I know it, but now it just seems so far a dream or something!

I am beginning to see that I am gonna have to set small goals and make it to them and then gear up for the next one, maybe take a break in between or something. Keep a diary while getting to goal and then just keep track in my head during the break...I don't know. I think I can manage weight watchers. I can incorporate all my eating healthy beliefs into the program. Ok, now I decided on my program and how I will do it and I will break it up into sensible small goals instead of trying to look at the overwhelming big goal. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Ok! Now...when can I start this? I am thinking not untill a week from Sunday. We get paid on Friday but I will be working on the yard sale set up all day Friday. And Saturday is the car show. I am doing registrations and then working on the sale also. Won't feel much like shopping but can probably get enough to start Sunday! Ok, now for the E favorite, you can tell huh? Ok, I can walk on the treadmill 15 minutes a day, every day, and walk outside 3x/week (if it will just stop raining) and I have an upper arm workout I can do 3x/week. I will see how I do with this before committing to anything else.

Are you all gonna help me stay with this? Are you gonna keep me accountable? Are you gonna be the little voices sitting on my shoulder talking to me when I am staring fondly at my bed and feeling like I need a nap, or am hanging on the frig door when I gazing inside for something yummy? Are you going to point out the nice fresh fruit? I hope so, I would do it for you ya know? See ya on the 25th!


Anonymous Krista said...

I hear you sistah! I have the very same talk with myself almost every Sunday evening. I just don't know when the magic combo will come, but I must have hope because the alternative (despair) is definitely not going to help. You have my support!

June 20, 2006 11:54 AM  
Blogger Kristina said...

You have my support too. THis week I've reached a low point and I'm feeling unmotivated as well. I was doing so good!!

I think we'll all have to keep each other accoutable :)

Best of luck!

June 27, 2006 9:47 AM  
Blogger ...jus me said...

Thank you guys!

July 02, 2006 10:19 PM  

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