Friday, July 27, 2007

Yes, there is still a "Chubby Toes" and the rest of me for that matter!

  • I hate it when I disappear...did you even notice? does anyone still come around to know I am gone?
  • I hate excuses...but I have many!
  • I hate it when I have to come back and eat my words...why not? I have eaten everything else!
  • I hate it when I have to come back and face the music...and I am not yet ready to sing!


I have gained much and lost much!

First what I have gained...
  • too many previously hard lost pounds!
  • the knowledge that I cannot do it alone...I need the accountability (and friendship) of my buds.
  • psuedo tumor headaches
  • higher blood sugar levels
  • very swollen ankles
  • sore knees that are popped out more than they are in.
  • a new understanding of just how long it takes to realize that you are in trouble!
  • a much rounder butt!
And now for what I have lost...
  • my self esteem
  • my way
  • my hope
  • my health
  • any single piece of clothing in my closet that still fits!
  • my will to do this all again!
I have learned things by this tho...

I need to lower my stress levels

do not try to work a new job, get ready for VBS and a car show all at the same time
take time to plan meals ahead of time for busy days and nights
delegate wherever possible -- I don't need to do it all!
make time for the Lord
make time for me
make time for my hubby

I am in my present state because I got overwhelmed by stuff that had to be done and I had no time left to do it except to just continue without a break, at work and at home. I was working 10-12 hour days and then coming home and working another four and somewhere in between there was atleast 2 fast food meals maybe 3. I was forgetting to take my meds. It was a mess...and still is. I am still trying to dig out of it! I have gained weight, my head is full of extra cerebral fluid and I can feel the pressure building in my spine as well, especially through my neck. The extra fluids are pooling in my ankles which is causing my heart to work harder and now something is haywire in my digestive track and my tummy is all bloated too! It's hard to breathe and my asthma has really been giving me a hard time. Now how is that for a whine? It is all self inflicted, not on purpose but nevertheless, I am there, and feeling stupid because it was so easy to predict, the way I was going!

I started taking my meds again this morning. I tried last week also but keep forgetting them anyway.

Things are calming down alot at work and somewhat at home. I am just trying to do damage control now and will start eating healthy again when I can get everything under control around here. Right now I will be happy to stay away from eating out!

If you are still reading this, you must be really really bored, or you are one of the reasons I keep coming back and trying again! Thank you!

Here's what I plan to do for this week... Keep in mind please, that I don't plan to jump right back in and lose five pounds or anything like that! I am too far gone for that right now.
  • take my meds every day
  • drink a minimum of 4 glasses of water (right now I am only drinking maaaaaaybeee one!)
  • eat at home
  • I will weigh myself (just for a point of reference) but no, I am not divulging this info at this time!
  • I will spend some time each day figuring out what my healthy eating program will look like.
That's it folks! If you are still reading this, please stay tuned and hold me accountable!


Blogger ~Jennifer said...

The ability to keep starting over to keep at it even when you've felt discouraged is key. Because you are willing to keep trying, to keep working out what will work for you, I know you can get where you want to be!

July 27, 2007 1:28 PM  
Anonymous teebopop said...

Welcome back, no matter what!

Hang in there. I'm trying too.

July 28, 2007 1:22 AM  
Blogger ...jus me said...

Thanks for the encouragement! I can use all I can get!

July 28, 2007 8:09 PM  
Blogger tugboat 54 said...

Wow what a list you have there.

July 30, 2007 10:32 PM  
Blogger ...jus me said...

Have you ever known me to be anything but stubborn, Cheryl? I can be stubborn good, and I can be stubborn bad...and when I am stubborn bad, well...then I have a long list!

July 31, 2007 7:36 AM  

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