Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Ok, I am Me again!

If anyone still reads this...I am sorry I have been gone for so long. I have had an attitude adjustment now so I should be much better.

Actually I started a post last Friday around 10:30 pm. I didn't finish until around 3:30 in the morning. My simple weightloss post ended up encompassing a whole lot more than that. Like things that happened in my childhood, an abusive first marriage and where that all left me emotionally. There were direct correlations between events in my life and my weightgain.

After re-reading this post, All 5 pages of it, I realized this was not a post (and moved it into a document) but an unloading of the stuff that has kept me with this suit of armor (fat). Well, I am done with the past, and finally ready to live. With the Lord's help, I am going to do this. My armor of protection has held me back most of my life. This is going to change.

Is it going to change tomorrow? No! Will I always be up and on program? No! But I don't need the protection anymore, and that was a BIG realization. I have examined my life under a microscope and seen the garbage up close and personal. I have now dealt with it and broke the chains that were holding me.

I started eating for me, to fuel my body, not soothe my emotions and pain, on Monday. My scale already shows a 3 pound loss, but who knows by next week? That's another thing...I think I will just weigh when I feel like it and not worry about a "weigh-in" day!

That is a lot of stress to deal with, especially if your body decides to hang on to some fluid on that particular day. I don't like justifying it, well, it's water retention, maybe I had something with too much salt! Whatever excuse we use, we still feel bad and lose part of our momentum. What really matters? Does it matter if we are up a half of a pound from last week? Or does what we have lost each month matter more? I feel this eliminates alot of the stress and dissapointment.

If I am up a half of a pound one week chances are, if I stay on the program, I will be down three the next week. Even if this was my pattern for the whole month, I will still show a loss for the month of five or six pounds, depending on the month. That is a lot better than my current plan. Weigh in the first week with a loss, then a gain, then I am disappointed and wonder what's the use? I sorta hang on and might lose another pound. Then the next week it is a gain and then I give up! So a month later I am usually up three or four pounds, until I muscle up enough courage to start over again.

I am sick of playing with the same five pounds all the time. I have dumped the garbage from my head and my heart. It's time to work on the outside of me too! The fat has no hold on me now. Go away...I don't need you anymore!

I better quit before this ends up to be five pages again! Glad to be back! Talk to you all soon!


Blogger tugboat 54 said...

I'm glad you are back. I will keep you up in my prayers and you are on the right path, continue the way.
Love ya.

November 29, 2006 6:11 PM  
Blogger snackiepoo said...

I am totally glad you are back and you have a great attitude. You know, I gained 2.6 pounds last week and just kept going and lost that PLUS 2 pounds this week. Sometimes our bodies like to mess with our minds! Keep it up!

November 29, 2006 8:03 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Wow. What a breakthrough you had about the weight being armor/protection. The Lord will help you; he already has.. by helping you to acknowledge and release that 'junk' that's kept you down. Now that you've cleaned out your soul some, amazing things WILL happen. I am so happy for you.

December 11, 2006 7:41 PM  

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